I’ve mentioned this before, a friend once explained to me how his mental illness was a gift from God and how if he could he’d never ask for it to be taken away. At the time I thought what a sick thought bro and, how I’d been begging God day and night to take it away. Surrounded by so much love and support yet feeling so abandoned and distant from m y s e l f. Many will often try to find the right words to say to help call you back to your sanity or the reflection of the normal you they know, but what they don’t realize is that job is not theirs, its God’s. You see, there was a moment, like a whisper of a moment if you can imagine. A thought so fleeting that it’s a wonder in my mental state I heard it, it was this. “This can be your life, all this sorrow, hopelessness and every other word you can use to describe this pain you’re feeling, or, you can fight.” Those simple words, the verity of what my future was going to look like if I didn’t start fighting was completely unacceptable to me. It’s been a long road but I’m in remission, with glimpses of anxiety and depression, flashbacks are rare and so are night terrors. Now I can look back on my friends words and accept what he said as the truth in love. Gifts of mental illness.
- Sacred Moments
So many moments are profoundly more beautiful then they were to me, 5 years ago. Trees, leaves and their sounds, laughter, good movies, watching my boys run freely, the warmth of my husbands hand, I really could go on and on. So many moments make me weepy and g r a t e f u l. It’s as though something woke up within me and reminded me how beautiful life can be. Mindful of the sacred moments when I am with my family in nature, seated at our table sharing a meal, playing a board game, this is the life I dreamed of.
- Mental Illness Advocate
Others started calling me a mental illness advocate and without realizing it I had become one. It has become a passion of mine to help others who are battling mental illness start making moves in the right direction. It is never my job nor is it anyone else’s to put expectations or time constraints on grief or pain. I’m a voice for those who are being crushed by fear, those who have had their voice taken from them. I am a willing hand to hold to guide others to the truth.
- My Voice
I say no a lot and don’t care about what other’s think. Maybe I should include some context so that doesn’t sound so abrasive although it’s pretty simple. We, and I say we because my husband is the one who established this family rule, don’t schedule more than one meal with friends a week. We are pretty involved with our church and have events weekly. Spending time worrying about what other’s think is a complete waste of mental headspace, gift yourself the gift of freedom from commitments you regret ever making and if you’re feeling extra generous gift yourself the gift of not caring what other’s will say or think.
Wherever you are, you are not hopeless even though you may be broken and your innocence taken you are strong. If you are not a sufferer of such things then you more than likely have a friend who is whisper words of love and hope into their heart and mind.