Let’s start with what self-pity is.
Self Pity noun
pity for oneself, especially a self-indulgent attitude concerning one’s own difficulties, hardships, etc.: We must resist yielding to self-pity and carry on as best we can.
Here are a few other definitions of what self-pity can look like:
- An inability to accept a situation or circumstance in your life.
- Thinking about your issues and troubles constantly.
- Dejectedness, gloominess and depression.
- The feeling that you’re a victim of something or someone.
- The unexpressed thirst for the sympathy and affection of others.
If you’re going through a season of self-pity then reading the above may be difficult. It’s difficult for me to read, even though I am not in this season right now. No, this post is not about you, well it is and it isn’t, I don’t have someone in my mind I am hoping this reaches.
Throwing a pity-party never helps, what can?
Let yourself feel. I know ground-breaking! But some of you still refuse to do this, I get it, who wants to feel sad and cry, especially when life seems to be going relatively well. I’m going to share something with you that no one knows, not even my husband. I schedule a cry sesh every week, I sit on the couch and think of all the sad, hard things happening to us or around us, I will even play some sad music if I need help getting the tears rolling. Imagine taking all the subconscious thoughts you have throughout the day upon hearing sad news, remembering them and then crying about it. So much were exposed to throughout the day and so much were not spending time processing.
Gratitude, greater than pity. It’s really hard to feel those two at once. Self pity is believing you deserve better and forgetting what you have, that you actually don’t deserve. Break this habit and reframe your thoughts, when you’re tempted to complain in your thoughts try thinking of something positive, gratitude even for the smallest things.
Focus on others. When you’re not idle it is hard to think about yourself. Stay busy, not the kind of busy that has you double booking your time or forgetting things you scheduled. Get time in nature, visit the public library or a local bookstore with a hot coffee or tea in hand, meet up with a friend, go thrifting, throw a dinner party, declutter something in your house, I could go on and on but you get the point. Idleness is not good for anyone especially those who are battling any form of mental illness. It leads to scary thoughts, disappointment with oneself in how little is being accomplished and leads you further and further away from your purpose.
Written by a 30 year old woman who is making attempts to throw less pity parties and more dinner parties while paying attention to the good in my life yet feeling the bad and letting it go.